Cotton candy and taxes...

It is night time. That is when the randomness starts. lol Random thinking is got to be the best thinking some times.

Like COTTON CANDY. It has to be the strangest thing to eat, and it is yucky. My 2 year old had it today for the first time. LOL it was a mess. She didn't really know what to think of it. Really I think that she ate it because her brother and sister were, and for some reason they love it. Maybe because it has the word CANDY in it. Really it is not candy. It melts to fast in your mouth. Hell it melts if there is any heat in the house. UGH.. gross stuff.

I also did my taxes today. Well not MY taxes, but my boyfriends taxes. That's just like cotton candy. Ya see it and then you just watch it melt away.. It really kind of sucks because, I have not married my boyfriend and my oldest is not his, so he can't claim us. Witch means that there is money there that we are not getting. And he is the one working and feeding everyone, yet he can not claim us. That just doesn't make sense to me .... What can ya do. Hmm I guess just eat some Cotton candy, and it will all be better lol. Eww..

Uptight much?

I am a very laid back kind of person. Umm kind of. I have 3 kids you can only be laid back to a point.. Like when your at the time 1 1/2 year old ( she is 2 now) comes out into the living room and says " look tattoos" with the biggest smile on her face.( I have a number of tattoos) and she is covered and I mean covered, from head to toe in maker. All colors all kinds. The black , yeah not a washable kind, a sharpie. And I just looked at her and wanted to laugh.. I really did. But then I thought it's 5 mins before I have to go and get the other 2 from school , and then" OMG MY WALLS" Thank god my walls were safe. lol

So I get a text from a sister in law last night. ( mind you she is 16 ) It was a joke, a dirty one. I guess you could say that the picture that went along with it was pornographic nothing really bad. So I sent it out to my friends just it was a really funny joke. I sent it to a friend of mine who has just as dirty of a mind as I do, and I get my butt chewed out.. REALLY? Miss porn girl herself and she is yelling at me about a picture...

I keep a limit of friends cuz I am a picky person about who I keep in my circle. And I think it has just gotten smaller..

Hmm , that seems very shallow of me again.. lol But to yell at me because of a joke and it's picture , seems retarded..

The things you think about after SEX....

So last night probably the greatest sex ever in a while. Normal people would probably lay back and reflect on the events. " OMG in the beginning... Yep that was a good part.. Oh hell yea under that leg over that one.. The grand finally.. OMG BLISS" and of course that would just start things over and experience it all over again.. Yeah.. Not me. Yes I reflected for a few moments. Then I started thinking about 2012, and the quote un quote "END OF THE WORLD". lol right? Did you see the NORMAL PEOPLE in the first sentence? Yeah NOT me..
So lets see. 2012 the Mayan Calendar ends. So freakin what. That doesn't mean that the world is going to end.. And the Mayans are thinking that we are nuts. And we are. How many times has the world sapost to end? Ummmm.. pppsssttt.. we are still here... That's right my friend . Still here.
I don't see us blowing up for a while.. And if I am wrong, then it will be fast right.

Then I started thinking about all the people who think that God is going to come and take them to the gates of heaven. *sigh* Really. I'm just leaving it at that , because it a VERY touchy subject. ( umm that's not happening either. ) LMAO when I Google "PEARLY GATES" I found electrical crap. sorry just thought it was funny for some reason. Here is your pearly gates..
I really think that people should stop worrying about things they can't prove. You make yourself sick stressing about crap.

I also thought about being a nurse.. LOL Just random not normal things.

I know what you thinking " none of this shit makes sense , she is just bragging about getting laid last night" Yes I really thought about that crap after, but YES YOUR RIGHT. ROFL
I GOT LAID LAST NIGHT !!!! Did you? LOL

REALLY ?

So today has started out rainy and freakin cold.. Love it.
My youngest is sick. That is really NOT cool. There is nothing worse then a 2 year old being sick. Not runny nose sick, but I mean sick running a fever throwing up. For the second day now. Fun times. I love it.

So, I have been at my mom's now for a few months. I am ready to move my family on to the streets, because that's how well it is going. It's not bad all the time. I'm doing my part, even a little more. I think that they are just ready for quite. My kids are NOT quite. They are young. Well two of them are, I have a 9 yr old, a now 6 yr old and a 2yr old.. My 9 yr old could be quite all day IF she wanted to. But the other two, come on they are kids. They are playing like kids. What can I do. We have told them what the rules are and they really do their best at sticking to that, THEIR KIDS... I'm to the point that I can either tape their mouths shut, or make my parents out to be the bad people. Guess what one I chose? As tempting as it is sometimes (really) I chose making my parents out to be the bad people. And ya know it still doesn't matter. They are still fighting, yelling and playin like kids.. What do you want? I'm not going to tell my kids not to be kids.

So to get us out of here faster, I've been TRYING to find a job. Wanna know how that's going? Well I'll just say it's 10:15 in the a.m. and I am writing this. I'm doing my best. I think that I am. But I guess that's not god enough for anyone. Not a lot I can do during the day. No one to watch the 2 yr old. I have gone to places on line, cuz pretty much everyone is doing things on line now. But it's hard to even do that when one of your parents are on the computer from the time they get up ( depending one the day) to the time they go to bed. I can't really get one until ,

1) the kids are ready and off to school.

2) the boyfriend is ready and off to work.

3) what ever house work there is , is done.

4) the baby is fed and either watching something or playing in the room.

So by the time I turn the computer it is time for the other parent to be home.
I swear I had one app filled out, and sent, I have to do something for my youngest and this other parent looks at the computer, and says " are you done?" (REALLY)
So I look at this parent and say " well I only filled out one app."
(other parent).." ok , but are you done?"

(me).." but... ugh what ever."

(other parent).." ok so your done."

(me).. "yeah I guess so" (storms off)

REALLY?... You want me to find a job, but for me to be on the computer annoys you, cuz what ever it is that you are doing on there, you can't. I can't leave my kid ( cuz there is only one during the day) because that kid can get annoying, not only that but your dog wants to EAT her, and its a pain to watch them both. What is left?

I have to keep reminding myself" I DID NOT WANT THIS, HE DID" I don't think that HE really understood me when I said this would be a living HELL.

I keep my fingers crossed, that a GREAT , FUN job will drop out of the sky and land right in front of me, and say " here I am just for you. Lets go"
Great Dream? A great dream that is so far out there that I can't even touch it with the tips of my fingers. Maybe I need sticky tape .

UUUHHGG...

(ME).." GOD... could you just hit the rewind button"?

(GOD).. " AHH HA HA HA HA HA.. Your cute"..

(ME).. " Damn"..

A day of new findings.

I sometimes wonder why everyone comes to me with their problems. It doesn't bother me, I'm more then glad to help, but I would like to have the same in return sometimes.
A close friend of mine who I could tell that something was bothering her for the past week,told me that she was tired of being a wife and a mother and wanted to be "bad".
I'm thinking, really? It is very out of her person to be thinking this, So she then tells me that someone who she liked found her on one of the social net works. And that she found herself thinking of him and wanting to meet him places. ECT....
So because she was thinking this she felt like a bad person, and that she shouldn't be thinking this..

My response to her was , "you are not a bad person, you are only human" And she is.. I don;t care who you are , male or female. At some point in your life, everyone has that "what if's" WHAT IF.. I had married this person, WHAT IF..I had waited to have my children..WHAT IF...the world ends today and I didn't do everything that I wanted.. You get the point..
As her friend I told her of a incident that had happened to me that was kind of the same , only he lives in NY.

I have a friend who lives in NY. I have known him for a long time now, met him online when I was prego with my oldest. There was something about him that just clicked. He made my heart race, just the sound of his voice melted my heart.And I would wait for our nightly talk's on the phone. At some point I fell in love with this mystery person so to say. And he asked me to come see him. And I freaked and never went. Nine years later and I found him on a social network. I gave him my number, just to see if I felt the same way . At the sound of his voice and the words "I LOVE YOU" after 9 years gave me butterflies , and once again my heart raced and melted. His voice felt like home if that makes sense. But I have a boyfriend and three kids. We said our "I've loved you for the longest time" and I backed away. I have a family and even thou my boyfriend and I don't always see eye to eye all the time, I am still the mother of 2 of his kids and I do love him..
NY guy, I love him with all my heart still. But I would never be able to be with him.

So to anyone who has ever or is feeling this I'll tell you what I told her.

YOUR ARE ONLY HUMAN. We have so many faults I don't think that anyone could ever count them all. It doesn't matter if you are married, have a boyfriend. At sometime in your life after being with a person for so long, you start to feel like things are not exciting anymore. You don't do the same things before you had kids. He doesn't talk to you the way he used to .. It doesn't mean that things are over. It means that you guys need to re find each other . I think that every relationship can be saved ( except maybe abuse one's, been in that it was NOT saved) if you take what was right in the beginning , what brought the two of you together, and re invent it.. Start little , date night 's once a week, and go from there.

My day was just WOOHOO.. lol This was just in the morning. And I know what I want to say but it is not coming out right.. So LOVE ME LOL

I think that will be my new thing for today.. "YOUR ONLY HUMAN"